|Counting my blessings...
||[Oct. 6th, 2010|01:41 am]
Today I went to the beach, got some tan time in. Being able to drive to the beach anytime I want is a freedom I haven't known very long. I began to count my numerous blessings. Just last year, I had no job, no car, not even my own place. I started at negative numbers back in Hawaii but I have come so far. I am grateful for all I have earned and all I have been given. I have so much love in my life now. and i just met a special someone. it's such a delicious new thing, i don't want to jinx it. but if it does go through, like i have a feeling it will, then this might be my first serious relationship. this might be the real thing i've waited for so long. i can feel it in my bones that it is. i finally met someone who gets me and it's so effortless. before i always struggled to feel any sort of connection. i just thought it's something that grows as you get to know someone. but with this person, it was a connection right off the bat. like wow, i get u, u get me. done deal. maybe cos it's a lady. and i can trust and love women in ways i could never trust and love a man. it's just the way i've been hardwired. the only doubts i have come from within. my own insecurities. maybe i can't satisfy her in all the ways i could a man. maybe i won't learn how to. maybe i won't be able to. i'm silly that way. but she's so wonderful about all my insecurities and she tells me everyday how gorgeous and loveable i am. i haven't had this in my life ever. so it feels amazing. this might be my first taste of unconditional love. and i can see why life feels dull when you don't have it in your life. but she lives on oahu and is going through a whole thing with her ex hubby. it won't dissuade me tho. i am moving there and being with her and it's going to be amazing. hehe. i'm just scared that i won't come thru. that somehow i'll be less than what she wants. or what if she's not all i think she is? i hate my overthinking. but i don't have to think twice with this one. my heart and gut is telling me this lady is very special and i need to take this chance. she's made my life so much better already. made my horrible job bearable just by her mere presence, to know that at the end of the day, i'll get to talk to her. it makes the day a breeze. hehe.|